SUPERHEROES and POLITICs

Come on, everybody’s crazy about Spiderman slinging his butt to save that train from a fiasco of unimaginable proportions! Superman too has enough crimes of his own to solve not to mention doing his own share of good deeds by well, stopping an airplane from crashing in a stadium during a baseball game – what a way for publicity! Even heroes have their own way of sneaking for a slot at primetime news. Now I’m thinking that if their nationality is Filipino they would be now in the Senate discussing the Lozada case. It would be interesting because they would be divulging instead each other's secrets we haven’t known so far - secrets not written on books and shown in movies yet. What with their powers on the roll there will be a lot of mind-reading, flying, slinging, power-grabbing and more. On top of them we will finally know if Superman is wearing an underwear under his tights as additional to the red overwear brief he flaunts. That is if some naughty mutant with see-through vision would divulge that million-dollar question over heated discussion with the Man of Steel. And then we can go ahead and confront him if that is for hygienic reasons or just for the security of his mojo when in very dangerous situations. Let’s just say our senate is for spilling guts.

It will be more than just our regular telenovela because our heroes are now playing errr, heroes! It’s easy for them to save a kitten from peril but can they save a country? This poses greater challenge which might have gotten our superheroes to politics. Maybe saving lives isn’t worth it anymore. Statistics are showing that there are more and more people being killed than superheroes actually saved. The movies about their good deeds splashed all over the movie theaters each week are not doing well to influence the people. People love all that saving that’s going on but hey, they don’t wanna be saved. Oddly, our superheroes also don’t launch themselves in combat in Iraq, Afghanistan or in our case, Basilan. They base in the metro, get a fancy job as a reporter for instance and save a few petty crimes ( so watch out, Mike Enriquez could be an alter-ego of some popular superhero disguised on that popular mask you see on TV). Alright, alright, saving the world from doom because some wicked lunatic is making a very huge and despicable-looking island is heroic but come on, can somebody really make a continent? Get real!

But then again, we don’t need superheroes to make the Senate a circus. It already is.

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I forgot to mention that we have our own share of superheroes on TV that are worthy of mentioning. Panday was popular before but his excalibur won’t do good against the guns and besides Panday can’t even fly, sling and cartwheel like Jackie Chan does in real person. Where would you put him in an era where sword-fighting is even considered a forgotten sport. And the outfit can’t be redesigned to keep up with the modern times because it wont be Panday anymore and Panday don’t wear skinny leather outfits. . No one can’t redo the Panday look that’s why we had to bury the hero with FPJ.

And there goes Darna who never chokes when she swallows that stone. I’m also at a loss where the stone goes inside her body when she swallows it. Does she purse it inside her lungs? Or does the stone dissolve into magma which then circulates with her blood which in turn causes an explosion of smoke and voila her costume has changed? Does the magma sloshing in her nerves make her fly? Everything must have a scientific explanation but somehow Filipino superheroes blame it all in some cosmic power only the albularyo in a turban can explain which by the way is an easy escape since we tend to blame things on the trees, the rocks, the engkantos and all. To hell with science. Darna, in summation might be actually a negative influence since children are watching such movies and swallowing rocks isn’t a good example at all. And when Darna’s saved the day, does she put her fingers in her mouth to let the stone out? Is Darna bulimic? Hmmmmm…

And then there is Captain Barbell. Can he not fly without those weights? It’s a good thing that he is teaching us to be physically fit but hello, you don’t get your powers from the barbell do you? And does he bring it all the time when not on call for duty? If so where is he keeping those humongous thing – in his pants' pockets? Too big, can’t be. Maybe under his house. But what if he needs to save a lady with such urgency and he is, say, 20 miles away from home? Does he ride a jeep to get to his secret weapon or just sprint home? I’m also wondering if Captain Barbell can do what gymnasts do while flying on the barbell – like swinging round and round on air and all that. Now we have a bet for the Beijing Olypmics. But what sport – gymnastics or weightlifting? How about wrestling?

I’m not really feeling fiction these days I have to pick on our superheroes.

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JUMPER




The reason why these things came across was because I recently watched JUMPER starring Hayden Christensen, the guy who played Anakin Skywalker in the last installment of Star Wars. Kristen Stewart was there too for errr, about 30 seconds. Yipee! Jumper was fun but useless. Our hero has the ability to teleport i.e. transport himself across space and distance instantly. He can’t go back in time though which is kinda disappointing since he could’ve changed history and become the most powerful man on earth. But that would be playing God and the writers must’ve thought giving him that extra power to travel across time is too much. Unlike our average superheroes, he is different because he steals millions from banks and cars and maybe his shaver. He is lazy – he teleports all over his house and do not consider walking an exercise at all. Still, he has the body women would die for which is an insult to those who walk for an exercise and spend their free time on the treadmill but can’t seem to get a pound off their weight. The movie is entertaining but that was it. He never used his power to save some kitten. He never saved a life in the movie except his girlfriend. It was more realistic though because I would’ve done the same if I had a similar ability – teleport to all the beautiful places in the world, eat the most delicious food among others. I noticed also that the main character was a bit poor in geography – he only visited a few famous spots again and again like the pyramids of Egypt, Hongkong, The Empire State Building, the Big Ben, the Colosseum among others. He forgot to visit the Great Wall, the Niagara, the Sydney Opera House, the Rio, The Eiffel, the Red Square etc. It was understandable because it was never mentioned that our hero graduated from college or high school after he left home and went to, where else, the Big Apple. Instead of saving people, he spends his time eluding Samuel Jackson who plays the villain,and almost ran amok looking for a place to teleport where he couldn’t be found. If he seriously doesn’t want to be found, next time he should consider going to Colon.

Poor boy, doesn’t know the Philippines is the best place to hide. Let’s just say he skipped geography class.

P.S. Hayden Christensen wil star in the movie "BEAST OF BATAAN", set in World War II during the Japanese occupation of the Philippines.The movie though is on its pre-production stage yet so hold your horses. Click here fore more.