irony on graffiti

life is full of ironies. signs sometimes flash right in your face. they are not cruel jokes at all. Often, they are much too simple that we don't notice them, but the realities they insinuate are much too true we simply cannot just laugh them off...here is one of em!

the one who wrote this wasn't joking at all. Subconsciously, he believes the above mantra. graffiti can be such a slap when its colored with idiocy. Oftentimes though, it becomes ironic to some.

silence

May 12, 2007
6:16 pm/at the blvd

silence.
It is the language of strangers.
It is the music of people
dancing to the rhythm of indifference.
It is the ode of pride
growing roots on the slopes
of flaking hearts.
Silence.
Sometimes it’s a healer.
Sometimes it is the solace
of souls lost in the claws of coldness.
Sometimes it is the eternal anthem
of the dead wanting to be heard
and the souls of the hopeless breathing
wanting to die.

_

redemption
may 5, 2005
12:07 AM

my heart has dried
of long droughts
and prickling heat
of the cycle of each day
going by.
my veins are gray
tired and worn out
of the friction it creates
with the same
old blood passing by.
my eyes are stressed
of seeing in every waking
similar faces that self-destructs
each moment rolling by.
My hands are trembling
each time they try to surmount
each new daunting task
life presents.
my body is tired,
beginning to dismantle
because of lack of viscosity
of the ego.
Until today,
when rain fell
and redeemed my soul.

____________________

sleep

January 19, 2007

1:45PM/management class

sleep.
rest.
why do we sleep at all
if only to miss moments.
like standing still in a daydream
a whole world passes by.
babies born. grannies die.
and animals morph
into monstrous beasts
while tides change
and stars fade out into blackholes
somewhere in the cosmos.
too many simultaneous events
too little we are capable of grasping.
like batteries
we put ourselves in bed
to recharge
to sleep
to rest
and maybe to dream
of things that keep us sane
and for a few moments
create a world less harsh,
a paradise for the id,
a wonderland
not so much like the world
we wake up into
-to face
-to live
-to get by
-to kill time
-to get tired of
only to sleep it all off.
again.

WANTED

if you see these faces........
IT'S ME...!!!

CONGARTULATIONS BON and TIMANG!!! At last...

AT LAAAAAAAAST!

At last, the bells can be heard ringing tomorrow...It has been a very long wait for both Timang and Bon...Sigh, it was excruciating for us to wait for you two to walk down that aisle and put to rest the tension...hahaha... i have always known you both make a good pair, notwithstanding how you make each other look better when together..haha.. Hmmm, congratulations anyway Bon and Timang...You both have been so kind and supportive (in so many unspoken ways..hahah)..As promised, I will try my best to attend the reception (not the wedding rites, tsk tsk) tomorrow since I still have to make creative ideas to extend my 30-minute lunchbreak...heheh...Know that we will always be here for the party - the FATCAT gang!!!! heheh...and that we are ready to exhaust each case of beer you will shed for the celebrattion, ehem....

INDECISION

As an afterthought, i feel weird that some of my friends have indeed gone far down the road of their lives. Not that i have been unremoved from my present situation for the last couple of hundred years..haha.. It just feels odd that i still do not consider myself mature knowing very well how i seriously think about my life and what i want to do with it.. No matter how messy i have made my life so far, i feel shallow for not having to make extravagant decisions just yet - marrying for instance. Not that i would want to settle down, haha... I applaud and regard highly the people who can make up their minds easily when presented with a puzzling problem, and be firm with it, stand for it no matter what the cost and be mindful but not overly obsessed od the what-ifs and later, the what-could-have-beens....

if i sound extremely unsound to you while reading this, it's because i am at a crossroads right now. I am yet to make the biggest decision so far and it feels good that it lies on my hands which obviously translates that i am in fact controlling my life at this stage. I feel stupid for having to make this decision for me to realize that i am in control. Good Lord I need some validation!!! Sigh...fears are creeping into my thoughts each moment and i fear they will cover my whole psyche and incapacitate me. Indecision, by the way, is ironically my biggest fear.

Too much of my alter-ego speaking. . Ciao..

PROZAC NATION




I watched for the second time the movie PROZAC NATION last night amidst nature's rage of bellowing winds, raging rain and deafening thunders. Despite the pleads of my other self to go to sleep whilst lightning would strike me, I did not budge. Miraculously, i survived the imminent catastrophe and smoothly got through the whole movie like i was under the influence of prozac all through it - unmindful of the chaos outside the four walls of my room.

Prozac Nation is the story of Elizabeth Wurtzel's troubled depression stage and her redemption ( or else the movie wouldn't have been made if she ended up dead..haha ). It's a beautiful movie filled with inspiring messages i can very well relate to. I have a moderate anti-social inclination, you know. heheh. However, Eizabeth Wurtzel's is magnified to the nth degree that it bordered insanity. Thank God, there's Prozac. Still, Ms. Wurtzel was lucky, if that happened to her in the Philippines, she would've ended up walking down the streets naked shouting "Basilio, Crispin, nasaan na kayo..?".. Depression, by the way, in our country is not a disease. . One is yet to bring himself to the hospital and claim he is suffering from depression. It's just too far from what we consider disease. . Nobody wants to get the stigma of being the first depression case of your own town or city - not to mention being laughed at the extreme ka OAhan. Besides, it's just way tooooo costly to cure the 80 million depressed Filipinos..haha

If you happen to bump into a copy of the movie, grab it and devour it.It's such a beautiful movie. Cristina Ricci sizzles in it. . No one could've portrayed a near-demented brilliance like Ms. Wurtzel as good as Ms. Ricci....

I have one favorite line there when her mom told Lizzie "not to wait until you have no choices left".
It was a life-saving line for me. Hearing that, I closed my eyes and told myself it's final, this is it.....I AM QUITTING MY JOB!!!

Then kablaaaam, nature interfered...Brownout.....!!Aaarghhhh!

my long weekend

Friday Night

My officemate irina just got married, congratulations to her. I came to the realization that I am not getting any younger. People I know are either getting married, breaking up, having babies, and worse dying. I envy people who can make huge decisions for themselves – getting married for one. Maybe because I am presently at a crossroads right now and am about to make a decision that will change the course of my life. Sigh. Im not serious, am i?

Anyway, the above pic was taken at the event with ivee so. The fastest bank teller I’ve known – she counts money like a mean machine. Hahaha.. we had a blast at the party mainly because the food was great and we devoured four kinds of cake which for me is very rare since I’m not really a dessert fan.

Also, we went barhopping with my officemates. Four bars. Too bad we had a drink only at the last one we dropped by - Cool J. Fatcat was so jampacked when we arrived we had to sneak out. My officemates are not really into the night scene so they freaked out when they saw that much people in so small a place. Nevertheless, the vodka cruise made it a night. At 12:30AM they headed home. The party was yet to start for me. It's FatCat time. Partey starts at midnight at FatCat just so you know.Haha.

FATCAT - where beautiful people partey!!

If there is one place to visit in Dipolog on a Friday night, Fatcat would be it. It’s where beautiful people flock. Now im selling the place for free!!! Hahah!! My friends and I frequent the place and Fatcat never fails to entertain. Great music. Beautiful people. Beer at 35. and people don’t really care much. Self-centered, egoistic people don’t get noticed and it’s a good thing I bet.

I arrived at Fatcat at 12:30 AM. The place was reeking of beer, sweat and smoke. Most of all, nobody noticed. The party was in full blast. Evryone is dancing and house music is booming so loud i easily got in to a trance with the vibe. I went home with Nina and Nanoi, my Fatcat buddies, and went straight to the 'barbecuehan' for a few isaw, pork bbq and 3 servings of rice. i did not eat by the way. Too bad it rained so hard we had to wait for over half an hour to finally make that ride to our beds. Sigh! Thank good heavens we arrived safe and sound....But wet!

See you around pips..TI'm taking a hiatus soon from the party scene..haha..

UKAY-UKAY Sunday!!!

I went to an ukay2x shopping spree (that is if you consider a few shirts a spree already...lol) at Dapitan yesterday and found great shirts. I hate the huggling part. But nevertheless, it was a nice trip down the ukay2 lane. I bought seven shirts.

The best part however is seeing Dapitan again in all its glory. Sigh. There’s just something about Dapitan that makes you mellow.Its a sleepy city that seemed frozen back in time. It’s a good thing I thought. Im posting few pics I took from Dapitan. I could get hired as a photographer for this amazing shots…haha...
The photo of me was take taken right inside St. James Church in Dapitan... well, you don't have to go to Europe to see magnificent churches ei?... The church boasts of its remarkable history etched on each stone that supports it. It even has a marker where Jose Rizal used to stand each Sunday to hear mass. I get goosebumps standing on the same spot. Everytime.


MONDAY? I just got my braces adjusted. Got green rubber bands hooked on it and voila! I look like i have veggies stucked on my teeth! What's that? Chopsuey?.. Green is my favorite color so that pretty much explains it.. Its much better than red. Otherwise, it would be blood painted all over my mouth...

I'm making this Monday night, June 12th, Independence day. I don't really feel nationalistic at all. Instead i'm stucked in here making this blog. It's work tomorrow once again. GRRRRRRR....i hate my job!!!! I'm quitting...it's a long long story it would take days if i start talkin. so better save it for the next time...

carousel

tis one of the more recent poems i wrote...i went to the feeder port just to write this....it was a great day.. the sea was inviting, the sun was well, sunny...

carousel
May 6, 2007
4.20pm/Galas feeder port

searching
spotting
musing
pointing
crawling
I spin around in a carousel
looking for answers
hoping that in its random
ephemeral halts
I could for one instant
catch a glimpse of that door.
high and low
dim and bright
my soul rides in a coaster
rocked by tides and waves
and utter dehydration
of the sea.
it sails on clouds
of cotton and linen white
and falls down like parachutes
to bottomless glass
of hollow air
and fat dreams.
it turns in innumerable cycles
but somehow never
in full circles.
falling still.
gravitating to the center.
will this carousel cruise
ever end?

music and lyrics

this poem was written some time ago. it came back to memory when aleksi, an artist and a poet and so many other things, texted me last night that he is putting music to this poem he read on my posts at Dipolog Poets Society group on friendster. He thought he found it cute. Anyway, i said sure why not and immediatley scrambled on my laptop first thing in the morning thinking he might have chosen the crappiest of my bunch of poems..and so im posting this one. aleksi told me it will be sung by local artists who are extremely talented, i know..l.and yep, i would surely be glad hearing this one as a song and not on a poetry reading session...sigh..haha..thanks mr. aleksi!!! keep up that soul!!!

Untitled iii

leave me
that i may measure
the depth of abyss
and the light years between
each second you're gone.
desert me
that i may see
the worst of days
in a journey across
this barren, lonely land.
deafen me
with your silence
that i may fail
to recognize music no more.
hide from me
that you may soon evaporate
into thin air in my eyes.
curse me
'til each happy memory shatters
one by one and become
but a space in my thoughts.
break me
that i may be inadequate
and you'll need me no longer.
tell me lies
that i may be wrong
of my notions.
hurt me
that i may become invincible.
hurt me more
'til i can't be hurt no more
- not by anyone
not by anything.
for just as much as you give me joy
that nothing encompasses,
you're the only one
who could cause me
most pain.

1:40pm/09242005/metrobankozamis/during seminar

errr...words of wisdom?...from me?

i was invited to speak as guest speaker last march during the graduation ceremonies at a local school where i used to study as an elementary student... i was hesistant and initially did not approve of the invitation owing to my anti-social inclinations. to be in front of people again after a long hiatus from any form of speaking engagement has rendered my trachea unresponsive to my begging of just getting past this speech...i however obliged after much kicking of asses of myself. and to my excitement and utter desire to fast forward time, i went one hour too early to deliver this few words...i wondered if it became a harangue when i spoke but i really did try to make it the simplest understandble way.. not the elemntary kind of way but the simple understandable way...whatever...nevertheless, they endured my crappy thoughts and words i got from just about anywhere...the advice however must not be taken seriously for my life right now is a mess...okey here it goes...just picture me on my uniform, a necktie, shined shoes, a neat shirt and again lemme reiterate, a very anti-social posture...sorry kids, its all that i can manage..hahaha...

Today, I am tasked to speak about Student Empowerment: Towards Greater Productivity. Though at some instances when I wrote this speech two hours ago, I felt a bit inadequate after looking back and thinking how incapable I am to talk about it in an entirely academic manner. Nevertheless, I will try to inspire you with thoughts that inspired me as a student who valued schooling and loved books and writing and poetry and music just like everybody else. I really hope that young and inexperienced as I am,you will bear with me.

Today I have come home. I have returned to the very school that replaced my once empty mind with an open one. I have returned to the schoolgrounds where not so long ago I played in, ran all over, rolled on the grasses, made friends with and in so many ways conquered it. Yes, this used to be my alma mater and no amount in words could express my gratitude to the beacon of light its education provided me as I stepped out from the portals of this school and breeze through high school, college and then the real life ahead.
Most of all, it was the people behind this school I am most thankful for, for keeping it running each day, stressing themselves out to share what they know and taking an extra mile to inject thoughts and values we could hold on later in life. Having a teacher for a mother, I have utmost respect for teachers for they hold that opportunity, that power to shape minds, mold lives and push our spirits to dream freely and teach us those first steps in achieving them. Always remember graduates that education, cliché as it is and it has been said a thousand times, is your ticket to achieve your dreams and turn your lives around. I have always thought that God gives us dreams that we can achieve just like he gives us burdens only we can handle. You have that dreams in you that has always been within your reach and education is one tool to get you farther up the ladder to reach it. The power education encompasses is far beyond the diploma you receive, it surmounts more than just a feeling because knowledge is power that if only you have plenty of it, you will lead an easier life than those who doesn’t have it.

Graduates, most of the successful people I know persevered in school. In fact, even though I have gone not that much success yet, I wouldn’t have been here if I have not valued my education. Yes I know a lot of people who excelled in school not minding poverty and instead taking extra efforts to get their diploma. Those poor people are the ones who are more recognized when they present themselves in the real world because they value hard work and industry more, thus they work harder and are more diligent in their jobs. Remember, we cannot be all so great and famous. We can’t be all presidents or heroes or famous like the people we see on TV all the time but we can be great in our own way by achieving many good things. Change is spurred by one act of good deed and change begins all the time. Each second the clock ticks, change happens. That is why young as you are be mindful of what change you can do if you have that power education gives.

As a piece of advice, I encourage you to read, read and read. Read famous books of famous authors. Boring and uncool may it seem, you will be proven wrong if you try. I used to despise books a kid and I never really was encouraged to read by my mother in ways more than my teacher required. But after reading a few good books, it became a hobby, then a habit and then reading was never boring after all. Contemporary movies like the Lord of the Rings trilogy, Harry Potter series and Eragon all came from books and so do Romeo and Juliet and other classics. I tell you the movies you see on TV are far less greater and way far less exciting than books.

Also, learn not to treat yourself like a kid anymore. Act and think mature but nevertheless enjoy your childhood. You will learn the value of responsibility if you do and you won’t have to blame others if you make mistakes. Value the beauty of freedom. It is when you don’t compromise it that you achieve many great things. Never be strangled by conformity yet learn to respect the rights of others. Always put in mind, that your opinion, your thoughts is of the same weight as that of the person seating beside you. No matter what status we have in life, we are all equal. So don’t be intimidated by the rich and the intelligent or somebody older than you are. Speak your thoughts without being rude but be sure you are realistic and practical and rational when you deal with people. Irrational people are close-minded and remember, just like an umbrella, the mind functions and serves it purpose only when it is open. Love your parents and show it to them in your own little way even if sometimes they seem unlovable. Like so many important things, you will never know how much you value them ‘til they’re gone- so never lose a minute. Show your love as well to your brothers and sisters for soon, they will be your only link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. They say, live life like there is no tomorrow. Live it to the fullest. Savor it. Laugh. Cry. Dance. Sing. Play. Enjoy the world that presents to you each day. It offers boundless opportunities and new horizons. A challenge unfolds each day for you dear graduates, and it is for you to grasp it, embrace it and take it on or you can brush it on the wayside and wait ‘til it ever comes back again. Decisions arrive each waking moment and remember it is you who defines yourself, your life –not your parents, not school, not our society, not other people. That’s how beautiful life is, you get to choose. Picture yourself a painter – you’re give a canvass and a palette of different colors,of varying hues and you are painting your life. You can choose to make it drab and gloomy. But then again why choose it, when you can paint it all happy and colorful and beautiful. Choose the beautiful life but be prepared for the mistakes, the obstacles, the problems you’ll encounter along the way for the road will not all be rosy and easy. Luck only comes to rescue you once in a while. Preparation, no matter how difficult things may seem, gives you that confidence that no matter what happens, you can survive. Yes, be confident in life. Things are easier when you handle things with confidence. Never be arrogant though for it only gives misery and makes enemies. Most of all, learn to thank God – because if you are the painter of your own life, he is that invisible wind guiding your hands and whispering in your ears’Choose well my child’.

Good luck graduates and Congratulations! Thank You very much!