the cebu life

BOTTLED LIFE

Life. What if you are that life inside a womb who for the longest time that seemed like eternity yearn to have a taste of air, of hugs, of kisses, of love but never made it to that moment when you could’ve first seen light. For sure they wouldn’t have know yet all those but life holds so much promises that the unborn must have so much expectations of what it would be like to be human. So near to life but yet so far.

I had always held a small thought with me. I don’t wanna grow old. I don’t wanna be an old stinking old man who wallows in misery because youth had dissipated from me. I don’t wanna see myself with a failing body who depends on others to do things for me. I don’t wanna be dependent on somebody else on so many things especially personal ones. I don’t want others to decide and think for me. I don’t wanna waste another’s life taking care of my own. So, I had always this thought - I wanna die young.

Well, until I saw these.






I am currently continuing my masters at Southwestern University – the story why SWU could take another whole post. My classes are held at the 6th floor of a building inside the campus. During one of my trips to the 6th floor on an elevator, I managed to peek on bottled fetuses when a student got off on the third floor. I couldn’t help myself thinking of the image like it was some frozen photo in memory so I went down on one of my breaks to witness “lives that never were” in bottles. The bottles were aligned for everyone to see. It was bordering on disturbing as I went over from one bottle to another. They were displayed along the corridors so casually like they were some forgettable paintings - like they were some imitation of life. Only they used to be life themselves that never came full circle. The sight was creepy but interesting and I had chills the first time I saw the faces. I thought of what those lives could’ve become from those small underdeveloped bodies. The looked like soft jelly floating on water it seemed like I could see through their muscles if I stare harder. They have formed faces, limbs, even noses. They were also dead little people.

I asked myself if those lab specimens were lucky to just be bottled up instead or if they were crying souls eternally sorry for themselves because they were never able to kiss life outside the abyss of one mom’s womb. I like to think that they should be thankful for being spared from the cruelty of the our world. Would they have even liked to live if circumstances had been different? Too bad, it was too early for them to experience the world’s cruelty, I thought. At least it was a favor they only get once. Besides, will they even live life in full circle had they experienced life thinking how many lives are wasted each day around us? Or maybe it just wasn’t meant to be.

But life is full of possibilities. I couldn’t help thinking of those little limbs of life who would’ve become strong bodies by now had they survived- maybe even doing better as a human than most of us. Looking at the photos while editing them for this post, I questioned my old belief if I still wanted to die young. I still do. But I also realized, it’s out of my hands.