anatomy of my heart

The screws that hold my heart
have loosened/
for it is running
on strange roads of dark lands
and haunted kingdoms of my fears/
it loosened
from the tight grip
I held on for so long,
letting it beat exclusively
for the uncertainty
of someone’s love/
it is faith
that straps it on my chest
and trust
that connects it to my thoughts/
but it is messing up/
and it hurts my whole being/
for a heart that is calm
brings out a calm being/
and a disturbed heart
inflicts pain/
it’s mending/
it’s trying to find its harmony back/
time will heal
and the screws will tighten/
but it can’t take another heartbreak
no more/
for it will self-destruct/
it will die/
leaving me heartless.

02.19.2006/3.30pm

an old poem i forgot i wrote. my colleague, chet, said she particularly liked this one. rereading it felt weird especially when chet said she could relate. thanks chet!

guitar

guitar

If only I knew how to play a guitar
I will entertain the world
with the cries of my soul
and the stories of a spirit
that has gone to see
the man on the moon
and lived with the swarm of people
but feel so lost
so alone
so sad.
Like a song, I drift in the wind
til all that's left of me
is a humble hum that
I create( ME - a hum in void space).
Each strum of music
an assurance
that in this sphere of worry
there is a bright stream
silvering into light.
If only I knew how to play the guitar
I’d wear myself out
day and night
creating sounds that stir,
that changes,
that will make me rise
above fear and love
and finally set me free
from the self
that has chained me for so long.

July 3, 2005

the above is an old poem that i posted on friendster. my friend doodz said it was nice though i think it's crap. i'm posting this because he commented and i only get few of 'em. comment?

why i have been silent...

bad news!

i lost my flash drive. the reason why i haven't been posting for weeks now. I have a few stories waiting to be posted. interesting stories of my wanderings captured in pictures through my humble 6630 phone that my friends insist i should be replacing already. but i refuse and i'm holing my ground. it has been a good friend - giving me many bad pictures but mostly good ones worth sharing here. i probably wont buy another phone unless i lost the one i have right now and i'm glad i'm not very particular with cellphones - my phone's casing has even faded its color already and i still love it. It just feels like its mine. Unlike the feeling of having it so tidy and new.

for now, i still have to look for a cheap USB around town . I miss my old one ( i lost two flash drives to date..sucks!) because it has all the poetry, the pics, the music an other important files. For some cosmic vibes, i feel like i will find it back. But then again, it's just a feeling. while i dont have the USB, i cant post my stories because they have photos that go with it. So anyone out there who has a flash drive to donate? ...

NAh, i'm buying if no one's giving me. Makes me think i need a pinch to remember nothin's for free these days anymore....except my stories!

SICK

I have a slight fever today. I felt it coming yesterday when i felt my throat so dry. I'm better now though. I just dropped by to send a pic to my boss for a group project. My fever explains why i have not written anything in two days. I slept 10 straight hours - no interruption. I'm glad I did. I'm off to work now.

You bet, I have a lot of stories to tell.!

my first CEBU TOUR!!!

I haven’t really made a tour of Cebu for the sole purpose of touring the city. It has always been going to the mall to buy my groceries or to Colon to buy DVDs or to Fuente to withdraw cash from the bank. But today I and a few colleagues went off for an unplanned tour after our shift. It was officially my first valid tour to date after almost two months of my stay in Cebu.
We ended our shift at 4:30 but my friend Bem still had to wrap up his final call so we had to stay a while longer to wait for him. Sigrid, another colleague, waited with us. Everyday, she does carpooling using her pick-up truck. She does it for half the team I’m in so today she stayed for her usual passengers. (Thanks Sigrid!). And so off we went without a plan of going beyond our usual destinations until Sigrid blurted she is going to Carbon, Cebu’s flea market. Haven’t been to Carbon yet, I said can we go with her. Well, Sigrid, the fine lady that she is said yes! And we had a whole lot of fun touring – Sigrid, Bem, Moby, Thunderdoodz and me!!

CARBON - THE ULTIMATE FLEA MARKET!

First stop, Carbon. It was a feast for the eyes. At so early a time, the place is bustling with people doing their stuff – well what else but selling and buying! Fruits and vegetables of all kinds are displayed along sidewalks at very cheap prices. It is the ultimate marketplace I’ve ever been – and what I’ve only seen is the veggie and fruit section yet! A small procession of a Sto. Nino statue passed by while the devotees sang unfamiliar hymns. People are oblivious of the procession like its nothing new. I felt weird because as I looked around it seemed to me like I’m the only one noticing it. When the small procession faded into the thick crowd, my eyes are back feasting on the fruits and veggies around. My friends bought mangoes, lanzones, malunggay, rambutan and eggplants. I bought a piece of ampalaya because it’s a favorite even though I still have to figure out how to cook it (LOL!). Bem also bought me an apple (thanks Bem!). I took a few pictures before we went off but careful enough while doing it because someone might jump from the back and grab my phone. Lucky enough no one did!

FUERZAS DE SAN PEDRO

After the Carbon trip Bem suggested we drop off at Fuerzas de San Pedro ( Fort San Pedro. It is located at Plaza Indepencia which is just a few blocks away from Carbon. Unfortunately, the fort opens at 7 AM. We were like an hour and 15 minutes early and so we just took our pictures outside the fortress but vowed we will return to tour what’s within the three walls ( Yes, it is triangular!). It was built in 1565 or about 442 years ago and is of triangular in shape with the fortress itself built on solid stone and mortar. I still have to research for additional facts when we could get inside for a crash Cebu History 101. Bem, a history fan, was but amazed how it still stands after centuries with all the storms, wars, deluge and changes it witnessed.


STO. NINO BASILICA OF CEBU

Third stop? The Basilica del Sto. Nino de Cebu ( I hope I got that right). Before we went in we checked out Magellans’s Cross. The cross is said to be the original cross that Ferdinand Magellan erected on the island when he first set foot on Cebu soil in 1521. The original wood is actually encased by another to preserve it thus, what one would see is just the casing and not the original one. We took few pictures and marveled at the place. A few devotees were offering their prayers at the cross. On the ceiling is a painting depicting Magellan’s arrival on the island and the conversion of the locals to Christianity. Afer few more pictures we went inside to see the Basilica. I have been inside for a number of times already but it was Moby’s first. Moby is actually a Muslim but is very open in understanding other religions as well. We went inside with Sigrid giving us some trivia since she is a true-blue Sugbuanon. A must-see when you go to the Basilica is to kiss the Sto. Nino. It was still very early and the first mass was ongoing so there aren’t a lot of people yet lining up to give homage to the Sto. Nino at a grotto located at the rear end of the church. The Sto. Nino is in fact the country’s oldest patron when Magellan brought the statue from Spain and gave it to the locals as a gift. Legend has it that when the village was burned, the Sto Nino’s statue did not succumb to the flames and was seen amongst the ashes unblemished. Another legend tells the statue has been unsuccessfully brought back to Spain time and again. It was said that everytime it was put in a wooden casing/box that would be shipped to Spain, the statue always ended up empty when it was opened and the Sto. Nino would be back at its original place. I was amazed by the stories I have heard. It truly is a matter of faith. Sigrid further told us of stories how the Sto. Nino has been seen walking amongst people in the fish section of Carbon. I find it hard to imagine but somehow half my heart believes the story. Undoubtedly though, I have my heart all colored with faith for the Sto. Nino. I simply do not need a miracle.























We took more pictures later at the Basilica’s garden. The pictures were awesome I wish I could post them all here. We walked back to the pick-up truck until I noticed Moby was missing. Moby offered prayers and asked the old ladies to say a prayer for him. One doesn’t have to pay them for the prayers, you only have to buy a few candles and they will dance and pray and ask for your intentions. I got goosebumps seeing Moby bowing his head because it just felt different really – a Muslim praying at a Catholic church!. Moby said later it made him miss his family and we all kinda thought that was sweet. We also had a few pics taken before we went off at a stall nearby selling guitars of all sizes, Sto. Nino statues of different clothing, size, and skin color and burloloy (native accessories). Cebu is known for its cheap but quality guitars and it was such a beautiful sight to see the music instrument hanging on a stall along a city street. It was so….hmmmm, very Cebu!!!
After the tour we were so hungry we ate at McDonald’s, the branch near the Crown Regency Hotel. I had a big breakfast – Franks and Egg with 2 rice and a large coke. Do I sound like I’m hungry? After talking a bit about politics and a few history tidbits thrown into the discussion we called it a day. Sigrid brought us home. It was already 7:30AM.
It was definitely the best way yet to start my day. Before I tucked myself to bed, I swore I will have more of the city. I’m loving Cebu!

SIOMAI & PIRATED DVDs on a SUNDAY..ooops!

Yesterday, I went to Colon to buy DVDs. In the morning, I already planned on buying a movie to let the hours pass. Sundays are always a drag for me mostly because I am not such a big mall fan. While most take their exodus to the mall on weekends- to be entertained, to cool off or for other variety of reasons – I prefer to stay in my room and watch a movie. The movies at the mall are way too expensive for me. Though I love the moviehouse for its sound surround system and its big screen, I’d like to think I’m saving myself from crappy comments of another moviegoer beside me if I watch the same movie alone in the comfort of my room. So off I went to Colon.

Though the original plan was to buy one DVD, I ended up buying three. I usually buy it at P 60 but my huggling paid off and I bought three for P 50 each. Great buy, so I thought. There are a lot of new movies displayed on the racks of my newfound suki mostly commercial ones aimed to rake big bucks for the studio that produced them. I bought ‘This is England’, ‘Becoming Jane’ and ‘Chalk’. I hate to say this, but I love pirated DVDs. Of course I would have preferred the originals if they were cheaper. Also, not all great movies get to be shown at the malls. Indie films for instance do not stand a chance with Hollywood movies for a slot at a moviehouse. There are no theaters for art films here and movies of such genre are a hard find at video rental shops. Walk through Colon and you’ll be amazed how wide the movie genre and type of movies they have for sale. And it’s so unbelievably cheap.

After strolling through the length of the Colon area and checking some of its interesting shops, I went home. It was raining hard already. At last. It’s been so long since the last time it rained here in Cebu. I took my jeep and just when I was seated, I remembered I still haven’t eaten dinner and it’s 9PM already. I lost track of time. When I got off the jeep I bought siomai at Siomai sa Tisa – five pieces for P6 each - at a branch a few steps away from where I live. I had a nice meal and took a picture of the siomai neatly tucked in my bowl because I knew Siomai sa Tisa is a great story to tell.

SIOMAI sa TISA

Siomai sa Tisa is a must-taste if you visit Cebu. I assure you it’s one of the best siomai you’ll bump into. Originally, Siomai sa Tisa came from, well, Tisa – a sitio of Labangon, Cebu City (thanks Barbs for the info, this better be right..haha!). The locals make the famed siomai and its amazing how homes seating side-by-side share the same livelihood - siomai. The popularity of the siomai paved way for stalls around Cebu selling the cheap but delicious food. Since Tisa is quite distant from the heart of the city, the stalls are a convenient way to buy the tasty siomai. It’s funny how each stall still carries the name Tisa when it is outside Tisa (the place) already. For instance, I bought mine last night at Siomai sa Tisa – Banawa Branch! That’s how popular Siomai sa Tisa is! So if you get to visit Cebu, keep off the mall at times, there a lot to discover on its streets – the delicious Siomai sa Tisa for one!

It’s PAYDAY!

I woke up late today – almost oneo’clock in the afternoon and I haven’t even started watching my movies just yet so I have no stories to tell about them for now. I could hear the rain pattering on the roof. It’s payday I remembered and I gotta withdraw a little cash for my rent. Inday, not the subject of the amusing series of text jokes but the maid of the owner of my apartment, halted my more than 10 hours of sleep with her knocking on my door to remind me of my rent. So I really had to get my ass off my bed. But first, I did this article on my laptop, picked a clean shirt and rushed to the bank. Yup, I write my article first on my laptop, save it in my flash drive, drop by a net café and post it on my blog. I don’t have the internet – poor me. Haha. It’s a luxury for me unless of course my blogging is supported by ads or anything, I would immediately get my laptop wired to the web. Maybe soon but errr, not too soon.Haha

AND NOW FOR A LI'L CHANGE...Hmmmm??

I'ts been a long time since last posted something here. Blogging isn’t easy if you have an 8-5 job, worse an evening shift from 8pm ‘til 5am. By the time I get out from my shift, I struggle having a good night sleep during the day. Im literally a daysleeper. I have prepared myself of that fact and I have no problem at all working at night considering I have always been a nocturnal person. However, i still do have

to train myself sleeping for straight 8 hours with only an electric fan to fight the heat. My sleep during daytime is intermittent – divided in a series of naps. Dreams take a break in between naps and continue when I drift back into sleep. Reading books to tire my eyes don’t work anymore. And yes, I have no complains.

I have been thinking what to write in my blog. My life, no matter how much I try to believe it is inte

resting, isn’t interesting at all for people to even care about. I’m no celebrity. I don’t know the popular people. I am just a speck in a metropolis – anonymous. I love the anonymity and having a great time blending in the crowd where I am faceless, a stranger, a nobody. And from such thought I came up with an idea. Instead of writing about myself, I will write from now on about the city, the people, the culture, history and what-have-yous of the place I call my temporary home – Cebu City. I will be putting here stories of the places I went and things I saw and did. But it is no big project. I would like to make clear that this blog and its content is for personal consumption and thus I only have myself to please.

WHERE I LIVE...

Starting off, I am currently living in Cebu City, working as a call center agent. I am renting a room in a building in Banawa, a ride away from office, Ayala Mall, Colon and Fuente Osmena. My room costs me P2,800.00 a month for rent plus my utility usages – power and water. I have a toilet inside my room so it explains why the price is cool with me. The building is made of concrete and the 2^nd floor is divided into eighteen rooms. The ground floor is a warehouse I think of hardware materials – so I thought. I haven’t seen my neighbors yet – I mean their faces. It always seemed to me like when somebody is passing by the alley, doors are suddenly shut. I first suspected I’m the only one renting the whole 2^nd level until one afternoon, I was awakened by loud chantings of the song Waiting in Vain by Bob Marley (MYMP version). It turned out a boardmate was celebrating a birthday party. Though I heard the videoke session and fought myself to sleep, i
never saw anyone when I took a peep of the alley. It’s weird because it seems like everybody is sneaking so as not to be seen.

Anyway, my room is painted green. It’s not a new building so it’s kinda dusty when I arrived. It’s big enough for me and my stuff. I can cook and play loud music (the hell cares, I ain’t seen anybody anyway). I don’t have much furniture except a table where I placed all my clothes on and two crappy chairs not fit for use. I now actually found a use for them. I put my television and dvd player on them! I bought a foam for me to sleep on – yes, I am sleeping on the floor ( no bed ). I have a big jealousy window so at daytime its very bright.i would have to cover it with two of my spare bed sheets to darken the room when I sleep during the day. And then I cover myself with my sheets and pretend that its nighttime. I can live without goingout as long as I have food inside the room. I have a tv, electric fan, rice cooker, a super kalan, a sound surround speaker, dvd player, a laptop (w/o interenet) and the complete 10 seasons of Friends on dvd. I could stay all day watching tv or reading books or listening to music. I love my room though I badly need some furniture. Hmmm for instance, a table would be nice for me to eat my meal on. Or a chair for me to, well, sit! Worse I don't have a broom. My friend and colleague would always tease me he'd buy a broom for me when payday arrives ( Bem, I can't wait 'til Monday! Haha!) Anyhow, it’s what I can manage at the moment and I can very well live with that. I’m glad I found this apartment. I love living alone. I just love it when nobody cares. And when I need one, there’s always the cellphone.

(P.S. : the pic was taken when i just moved in. it should explain all the clutter and not really tidy look of the room. hehehe..)

I also have a flag in my room just to keep patriotism alive. Haha. My officemates can’t get over the idea why I have to hang a flag on my wall. “Leave it on the flagpole”, they’d say. Well, that’s just me. I love my flag.

THAT DAY...

The first sunrise that greeted me when I arrived in Cebu to work. Ain’t it nice? Taken at Pier 2, Cebu Port. It brought a fresh outlook of the future like it was holding a promise I’m yet to uncover. Got me into thinking how we easily associate meanings to things. It could’ve been just a sunrise and nothing but a sun rising everyday. But we prefer to believe its some work of cosmic power sending us messages we have to decipher. Hay, it’s really just a sunrise. I could go there again the same time and it’s the same sunrise.But then again maybe not.

DA Vinci PIZZA

With our trainer Andrew and Leslie are Barbie, moby, bem and me. We took our lunch at Da Vinci Pizza – one of the best pizzas in the city. When I say lunch – it’s our meal at midnight. It was such a treat. It’s a stone’s throw away from our office at Paseo Arcenas in Banawa so we didn’t really worry about getting back for time-in.

I rarely eat outside and if I do, Jollibee, McDonald's or Chowking are the most convenient to choose. Now though, I am starting to get a taste of Cebu food. I wish I really love food that much so that I'd really make it a point to visit all of Cebu's best. Too bad it's not really one of my favorite thing to do. I love strolling the city streets more. But hey, maybe my taste buds haven't really matured that much yet - maybe here they will with all the food and restaurants scattered 'round the city.

damgo

i had the worst dream in years a few days back it felt like i was in room 1408 witnessing a murder ( not suicide ). i saw a man across my window banging an old woman's head on a metal railing it felt like he was banging my head too. it's weird i didn't see blood. everything was so vivid i could still remember the man's face. i'm getting bad dreams these days. maybe i just miss home...badly..

my pic however looks like i'm drifting on a dream i don't wanna end. i just recently learned to use the basics of adobe photoshop with the guidance of thunderdoodz, a wavemate at convergys who is also a graphic artist. i took some colors off the photo. adobe photoshop is amazing, i swear!

Cebu Provincial Capitol

i have always admired the cebu provincial capitol. everytime i go home riding a jeep after buying something from colon, i always peep outside and marvel at the magnificence of the edifice. it is grand, lavish and well, looks like people working there are doing a really serious job. it got me thinking running the government is no laughing matter and that it really must be damn serious. what with all the political mockery in each level of government in this country, politics is now the twin of showbiz - complete with all the scandals and gimmickry. it has become a form of entertainment.

i am glad though that i still feel a sense of hope everytime i see the edifice wherefore a slogan screams loudly to anyone whose eyes run across it. engraved on its facade is the maxim "the authority of the government emanates from the people". politicians must be shunning it when they pass by. it looks like a hand on the verge of slapping each philandering trapo.

it was also here where GMA took her oath to the presidency when she was catapulted to the seat last 2004. on the very spot where she swore to serve the Filipinos, that night when this photo was taken of me, streetchildren are running around the same spot playing 'siokok'. i can't quite see the connection there though, i just feel like i have to write it.